JURY DUTY, Day One

OK, so it's unusual enough that I have jury duty today, just one day after David started his stint. So we travel together through the 'hood to the Essex County Courthouse and go through the metal detector. David goes to his assigned courtroom, and I hunker down with my bag load of books, puzzles, podcasts and Diet Mountain Dew. David tried to get me to take charge of his huge umbrella, but I plead "too much baggage."

The designated Juror Pool boss lady runs through the orientation. Meanwhile, I'm casing the room, categorizing the potential jurors. Categories included
A. Skinheads, Tatooed women and non-hippies with mullets.
B. Old hippie men with pony-tails.
C. African American professional types, including teachers, church ladies, one Clarence Thomasesque guy, and some very attractive young first-time jurors.
D. Multi-culturals who speak English better than the court staff.
E. Those who don't.
F. Tight-ass looking financial types
(one was a treasurer at Dunn and Bradstreet, it turns out.)

(I fit in Category G, the small elite pool of smug cynics those who think themselves perfect candidates for the jury, but know we'll be dismissed for having strong beliefs, too many bumper stickers and/or a radioactive profession. David is in the same group, but passes, because he doesn't let on about his strong beliefs, eschews bumper stickers and magnets, and claims "retired" as his profession.)

In the act of classifying people, I spot a guy sitting across from me who's not wearing a suit, but still looks very much the tightass cum backpack. He's taking in all the rules very seriously, making no eye contact with anyone. It strikes me that he's a dead ringer for, if a bit smaller than, Stephen Colbert. I continue to glance at him occasionally, and then listen as the names of jurors are called. Lo and behold, the guy responds to Steven Colberttttt (hard T). Later, in the courtroom we were both called to, he used the proper French nom de jour (sic).

Friends know I carry the video of Colbert's stint as host of the White House Press Dinner (2006) on my phone, the one where he dissed Bush to his damned face. The man is my hero, winner of my profile in courage award. I told him so today.

He didn't take me up on my invitation to lunch with David and me. I tried to win him over by telling him Eli is a fellow alum of the same program at Northwestern. I understood that he didn't understand we aren't like the other star seeking sycophants. I just wanted to do my social work interview and talk politics. I'm just pouting a little now.

Tomorrow, I'll just act like the annoyance he thinks I am and snap a couple of shots with my camera phone.